You and I in this Beautiful World

In past few weeks I have come across some peculiar things between married couples. I have read, observed and even witnessed things in certain cases. And I keep thinking why and how can a person have some confidante outside a marriage. I don’t know if it is correct, proper, required or so important and I am still wondering. By someone outside marriage I surely don’t mean any ill relationship but just someone who is sought to discuss issues, solve problems, or just to share things.

I have seen many who are doing it; prefer talking to someone at their workplace or one time close college buddy. I am not making things specific to any gender. Everybody irrespective of the gender is doing it. A husband discusses things with his female colleague at the workplace or his college pal. And there are instances where a wife has found someone with whom she feels comfortable discussing most of the things. Few of my married friends have approached me just to talk, share things, express worries, get resolutions for problems, and some other private discussions. When I ask them “Does your husband/wife know about it?” or “Have you discussed this with you husband/wife?” or “What does your husband/wife have to say about it”, the answer is “No” or “Not yet” or “I don’t think he/she can help”. I really feel sorry for the couple and I get both frustrated as well as irritated. I have also got justifications that “If I have a problem in my eyes, I would rather visit an ophthalmologist than a cardiologist”. This means that issues are categorized first and then appropriate person is approached. Well, this may work in professional environment or corporate culture but surely not in relationships and definitely not in marital relationships. Even if I assume that things can work that way in marital relationships, let your spouse be a general practitioner who is approached first. Discuss the issue, diagnose it, see if it can be solved, and then if required go to the specialist. However, sadly this doesn’t work as there are not many who practice it. The importance of a spouse has reduced to having dinner, weekend shopping, payment reminders for utility bills, bedtime pleasures, and ofcourse for daily tantrums.

The root cause of the issue is (as I see) is the lack of communication or interference of the corporate ethics into personal lives (talk only that is required). Long working hours hardly make it possible for the couple to spend some moments with each other. Married couples are too much engrossed in their work and are distanced either by location or merely by presence. Some give an excuse, “I don’t find him/her when needed”. I feel this is a useless excuse, as today communication methods are at their best. We have cell phones, call up or SMS or send a voice mail. Atleast make your partner aware that there is something that needs to be discussed. We can communicate only if we want to. However, we are not so patient in this fast paced world. No one is ready to wait till the partner is available and the issue is already discussed with the best found confidante around. Whether the problem is solved or satisfactory help is received is a secondary concern but that “I feel relieved” feeling is restful. But at what cost – increasing the gaps between you and your spouse. And it is again very painful and frustrating to know that things have already been discussed with some third person. Then begins the buck passing game and the cracks increases.

I agree that in today’s world getting quick results, easy help, and other comforts is of prime importance but not everywhere. There are certain things that must enjoy a private and personal space in a married life. Not everything and anything should be discussed outside. It is wrong to under estimate your spouse’s support and seek help from outside (it surely shouldn’t be the first step). Confide, communicate, discuss things amongst yourselves (you and your spouse) and then take a collective decision for the next step. It is really wonderful to have a common goal and working together towards it. That is the real fun of getting married and spending life with someone who knows every single bit about you. It does not require you to be too emotional or sentimental. All it takes is a little concern and confidence in your spouse. Go bang in and start talking, don’t think if he/she can solve it or help me. Your spouse understands many things even without you expressing it, imagine the kind of magic it will do when you actually go and voice yourself.

Understand that, it is your spouse that you are going to stay with all your life. Make most of it with him/her to make your space a beautiful world. Let us not restrict “You & I in this beautiful world” just to Hutch and their doggy.